it's amazing how things work out....

So on my way back to Boston from New Hampshire today, in my chest cold induced fog, I was thinking about things...nothing too serious, just kinda about how I got to where I am, etc. I was also thinking about the people in Haiti, and that made me think about how my blog ranting the other day seems kind of lame compared to all of those people who don't have houses, food, clean water or medical care. Meanwhile, I am sitting here typing this in my warm bedroom while eating chicken noodle soup and and english muffin surrounded by puffs with lotion and robitussin. I suppose I can't complain about my life when they are losing limbs because a fracture gets infected, at least I have all the essential things I need, and plenty of things I don't need. Anyway, as I was driving I started thinking about how I got to this particular apartment in this specific town in Massachusetts. I wanna share the story of how I got here, even though I have no idea how many people are reading this, and it very well could just be one or two people, but it is a pretty cool story anyway, so I figured I would write it down.

So, let me start back when I was a baby. (don't worry, this isn't going to be my whole life story, a huge chunk is left out!) So anyway, I was a baby and my mom wanted to exercise, so she used to go to this gym and do aerobics. She met a woman there who also had a baby girl. They started getting together and taking us to play groups and stuff and her daughter, let's call her J because I don't know if she wants me to use her name on here, so anyway, her daughter J and I became best friends. We were inseparable all through preschool, kindergarten, first grade and most of second grade. Then I moved to New Jersey. J and I kept in touch with this little photo book we had (J, do you know who has that at this point?) and we visited each other a few times, the last time being when I was about 10 I think, when I flew on a plane by myself for the first time and came to visit her in Quincy. So anyway, this is the huge chunk of time that doesn't matter to this story, so let's skip to college. J and I talked a few times via IM in college, and then my senior year I decided I wanted to try to make the move to Boston, both because I love it up in New England and because D is up here and eventually I wanted to end up here anyway, so I figured what better time than now!? Soooo, after applying to about a million teaching jobs and not getting any I was starting to get kind of depressed about the whole thing. After college I moved home for about a month and was working at a daycare center, and I was applying for jobs and looking at apartments randomly every so often, and one Saturday at the end of June I saw an ad on Craigs list for a summer camp art teacher at an elementary school in Arlington, Ma. I applied, thinking why the hell not, and assuming it wouldn't work out. They called me that Tuesday asking me to come for an interview on Thursday. I said ok, meanwhile in my head I was freaking out because that meant I had to figure out where the hell Arlington, Ma was and get there in the next two days. This is where J comes back into the picture. I got in touch with her, I can't remember how, but IM or email or something, and asked if she lived anywhere near Arlington. She said I could stay at her apt while I interviewed, and off I went. I drove up on Wednesday, feeling completely unprepared for an interview, wearing my mom's skirt and blouse and not having any clue where I was going. I saw J for the first time in many years, and I slept on the living room floor of her apartment that night. The next morning I went to my interview, left after and drove straight back to New Jersey feeling confident but not sure what was going to happen. The next day I got the call that changed everything. (I know that sounds cliche, but it's true!) They called me from the summer camp and said I had the job, but that I needed to start on Monday. I hung up the phone and started packing (at this point, it was Friday!) I packed, packed, packed, said goodbye to everyone that I could see in 48 hours, and D came down to help me move. We packed up his truck and drove to Boston. I guess this is a good spot to say where I was moving to. As soon as I found out about the job, I called J, and she said that one of their roommates had decided to move out, so they had an extra room. I jumped on the chance to live there for several reasons, 1) I already knew J and her girlfriend and knew they were nice, 2) the rent is super cheap, 3) the location is fun, 4) why the hell would I pass up an apartment offer? So, I moved in on Sunday night, D helped me set up my air conditioner (it was like 90 degrees up there) and put my mattress on the floor, and I pretty much went to bed. I started my new job the next day, and that has lead me to the job I have now.

That was a ridiculously long story, and I apologize, but I just find it kind of amazing that all of that happened within one week, and that was almost two years ago. Pretty freakin' crazy if you ask me! Things seem to happen when we least expect them.

Friday night...pizza, salad and a lesbian chick flick

So this week was kind of the week from hell. Let me begin with the budget meeting we had on Tuesday. Our principal broke the news to us that our district has to cuz 7 million dollars next year, which adds up to about 6 teachers from every elementary school in the district. Now, this doesn't mean I am going to lost my job. Why? Because I don't actually have a teaching job yet! But, it does mean that there is absolutely NO chance I will get a teaching job next year. This is depressing, because not only does it mean I have to now redo my resume for the third year in a row and apply to a bajillion jobs, but it also means I have to make new friends, meet new people and establish myself at a new school. This pretty much sucks. And also one of my friends that I have become pretty close with is moving away at the end of the year. This super sucks.

Aside from the budget meeting, I had a student in my class who managed to punch another kid in the penis one day, spent time in the principal's office for it and then proceeded to punch another kid the next day and spend more time in the principal's office. Awesome.

I also started weight watchers again this week, which makes for a grumpy Lauren anyway. My body is trying to get used to not eating as many calories as I was before, and so I feel hungry constantly. Add to that the emotional eating that I usually do and it adds up to a bad time.

Tonight I was supposed to see D, but he wasn't feeling well, so he went home after work and went to bed. This meant that I was alone, and not just alone, but lonely. My mom, dad, sister and niece are all at my parents' house hanging out and they all went out to dinner tonight. I soooo wish I was there, I miss them all alot and I hate missing out on fun family things like that, the little things that make life fun. At this point, I should probably explain the title of this post. The pizza and salad part are pretty self explanatory, although kind of a silly story to go along with it. So I was sooo excited to come home today and take a nap, and I came home and got in bed, snuggled down and was feeling so nice and cozy. I quickly fell asleep, and woke up about 20 minutes later feeling like my bladder was going to explode. I HATE waking up and having to pee. It is helpful when that happens in the morning and I have to get up anyway, but when I have just fallen asleep it is extremely frustrating! So anyway, I dragged myself out of bed and stumbled into the bathroom to pee. I climbed back into bed and snuggled back into nearly the same exact spot I was in before, happy, I may add, because my bed had retained the warmth that my body had generated while I was sleeping. I layed there for about ten minutes not falling asleep. Finally I gave up and turned on the tv and layed there in the dark watching tv for probably another hour and a half. So, needless to say my nap was a failure.

After a while I started to get hungry, but I was too lazy to get up and get something to eat, so I just layed there getting grumpier and grumpier and grumpier and feeling bad for myself. I called my mom, I texted my sister, I texted my friend and I talked to D on the phone. He said he was going to go home and go to bed, so then I figured I really did need to eat because he wasn't coming over to save me from feeling bad for myself. This is where the pizza and salad comes in. I really didn't feel like cooking (because cooking for one person, especially on a Friday night is really depressing), so I decided to get pizza and salad. I had enough ww points left for the day to have two pieces of cheese pizza and a garden salad. When I got home with my dinner I decided that I was not going to let myself take my dinner upstairs and eat at my computer desk, so I popped in "Kissing Jessica Stein" and ate and relaxed. It was kind of nice to sit there for a while, and the movie was entertaining enough, but I still felt the underlying feeling of lonliness. Let me also say now that I know the movie I watched is not neccesarily a "lesbian chick flick" and that she doesn't end up being a lesbian in the end (sorry if I ruined the movie for anyone), but it made for a much more interesting title for this post, right?

So anyway, that was kind of a long and boring post, and for that I apologize, but this is my life, and hey, blogging is supposed to be real, right?

and one more thing..

did I mention I had to do laundry today? If you have read my past posts, you know how much I despise the laundromat. So today I went, and when I went to pour in my laundry detergent, it was FROZEN. Note to self: do not leave laundry detergent in car in Boston in January. Yes, it was my own fault, but it still sucked that I had to spend 3 dollars buying crappy tide powder detergent from the machine at the laundromat.

Ok, I'm really done now. Time to go drown my sorrows in stupid teen television shows.

yeah, that's right, i'm complaining.

Ok, so just a warning, I think this post is pretty much gonna just be me complaining about a bunch of stuff, so if you don't feel like hearing it, then you probably shouldn't read on.

Ok, you made the choice..here goes! Haha. I am so frustrated with just about everything right now, and the part that frustrates me the most is that almost everything that is frustrating me is related to money in some way. I think this would be easier in a list.

1) The job situation is looking worse and worse for teachers in my district and I think in other districts too. I am starting to feel like I am never going to find a teaching job. I mean, if I didn't get one last year, what are the odds I will get one this year? To go along with that, I figured out the other day that I am not in fact making more than I was when I was an assistant. In fact, I think I am making a little less, and I am doing about 4 times as much work. Awesome. Even though I am complaining about doing all that work for less money, I am really loving teaching, and it is quickly coming to an end. I feel like I looked forward to this for so long, and now all the sudden it is going to be over and I am just going to go back to being an assistant, ugh, which also means I have to go back to afterschool, double ugh. It's not that I don't like afterschool, the people are great and it is a fun job, but it is just way too much to be with the kids from 8 am to 6 pm. I don't want to do that anymore, but I don't have a choice financially.

2) I want to move out of my apartment. Let me say, before I go any further, that if any of my roomies are reading this, don't take this personally. It has nothing to do with any of you, you guys are great, and you are awesome roommates. It has more to do with the fact that I want more space for my stuff and I want to kind of start my own place and my own life, if that makes sense. I want to have my own apartment or an apartment that I get with maybe one other person, that I can decorate and make into my own. Once again, finances cause this to be impossible right now. I can't move out and get started on my own until I am making more money, and I can't make more money until I get a better job. Ugh.

3) My car is on its last legs. There is nothing particularly wrong with it right now, other than, of course, the fact that the heat and air conditioning don't work and haven't for probably 3 years. People always say "Why don't you just get that fixed!?" Umm...hello, because it costs...yes, money! Yes, again, money has foiled my plans. So what do I do when my car finally does die? Well, I suppose I will be stretching my paper thin budget even farther to include a car payment on some crappy used car. Sweet. Maybe I can learn to live without shoes, or maybe I will win the lottery. Riight....better start conserving my sneaks and learning how to darn socks.

4) D and I have talked about the future many times (this tends to happen when you have been dating for 6 and a half years), and I am beginning to feel frustrated because we can't take any steps to move forwards (i.e. getting engaged or even talking about a timeline for this sort of thing) because of money. We don't have the money for a wedding, therefore the wedding has to wait. Yes, yes, I understand I am only 23 years old, but I don't want to hear it. I love him, he loves me, and we want to get married. Why the hell should we have to wait until we are 30 years old if we know what we want now? Damn money again!

5) I am lonely. I miss the feeling of having a family to come home and see at night. I don't like the feeling of being alone so often, and of cooking for myself all the time, and of just being with me and my thoughts. Sure, I see D and spend alot of time with him, and that is great, but when he is in the midst of busy season (like he is now) his free hours are limited, and the jerk wants to spend some of those hours sleeping...jeez..what is he thinking? Hahah, just kidding. I actually feel bad for him because he hardly has any time to himself. But anyway, I need some quality girl time. I miss Danielle (I hope you don't mind me putting your name on here), and I miss the time we used to spend just sitting in our rooms talking in college. Most of my friends here are either married or have lived here for a long time and have many other friends to spend their time with. Granted, I do spend most of my time with D, but sometimes I just need girl time. I want to watch a movie and drink wine, or paint my toenails and hang out, or even just play scrabble with a friend. I miss those fun times.

It's weird how life goes on, and things change. When you are in those happy moments you rarely stop to wonder "will it always be like this?" and maybe that is because you know it won't and you try not to think about what will happen when it ends.

absence makes the heart grow fonder....

Sorry it has been so long since I have blogged...I guess I haven't really been motivated to write and I kinda figured, who is gonna wanna read about my boring life if I have nothing to write about? So, I took a little hiatus and didn't write for a week or so. I am back! I still don't have much to write about, but I decided I better get back at it before I break the habit and stop all together. I really wanna keep blogging, it is fun and relieves some stress, so I think it is a good habit. It is funny though that I have been home since 11 this morning (I came home sick from work...yes, I am sick again, thanks alot sister! Haha!) and I waited until now to blog, when I am supposed to be showering, cleaning my room and getting ready to meet D for dinner. I know I am sick, but I need to get out of the house for a while, there is only so much laying around a girl can do in one day! I watched the movie My Sister's Keeper today and holy crap, talk about a tear jerker! It was so sad and so good, but I have to say, it was kind of weird to see Cameron Diaz being the bitchy mother because I am so used to seeing her in roles like she played in The Sweetest Thing....you know, silly, goofy, slightly slutty, fabulous-young-20-something-blonde-chick. But, despite the change in role, she did pretty well, and I enjoyed the movie in my sudafed and tylenol drugged state.
Soo..the only exciting news I really have to share is that I bought a snowboard! Well, let me rephrase that, Dave and I bought a snowboard. He is paying for some of it as my Christmas present...he is a wonderful boyfriend :) So anyway, he bought me a helmet and wrapped it, and then that weekend we went and bought the snowboard, the boots, the bindings and goggles and a balaclava to keep my head warm! The board is really cool, it is white and green with green and black and some other color swirly things on it. It is a salomon surface. The bindings are cool too, but I can't remember what type they were, all I know is they are blue and white and they are pretty neat. (Can you tell yet that I don't really know that much about snowboarding? lol) But...the best part of the whole thing is the boots! The boots I got are Forum brand, and they were originally I think 120ish dollars. The guy at the store was like "I have been trying to sell these boots and no girls wanna buy them because they think they are ugly, but they are really amazing boots. They are size 9." SO I was like "um...ok, Ill try them on." Anyway, long story short, I tried them on, they fit, and the guy said "they are going to be 37 dollars." I was like "what!? thats amazing!" So I bought them. You are probably wondering why they are ugly. I think they are cool, but some people probably thought they were ugly because they look almost exactly like cowboy boots in the shape of snowboarding boots. They are so funny and I like them. They are brown and have the swirly things that are usually on cowboy boots. And best of all...they were cheap! Haha. Anyway, D and I are planning on going snowboarding (he will ski) this Saturday. I am hoping that I feel better, and that I don't spend the whole day on my ass! Alright, I am going to stop procrastinating now and actually put away my clean clothes.