Ok, so just a warning, I think this post is pretty much gonna just be me complaining about a bunch of stuff, so if you don't feel like hearing it, then you probably shouldn't read on.
Ok, you made the choice..here goes! Haha. I am so frustrated with just about everything right now, and the part that frustrates me the most is that almost everything that is frustrating me is related to money in some way. I think this would be easier in a list.
1) The job situation is looking worse and worse for teachers in my district and I think in other districts too. I am starting to feel like I am never going to find a teaching job. I mean, if I didn't get one last year, what are the odds I will get one this year? To go along with that, I figured out the other day that I am not in fact making more than I was when I was an assistant. In fact, I think I am making a little less, and I am doing about 4 times as much work. Awesome. Even though I am complaining about doing all that work for less money, I am really loving teaching, and it is quickly coming to an end. I feel like I looked forward to this for so long, and now all the sudden it is going to be over and I am just going to go back to being an assistant, ugh, which also means I have to go back to afterschool, double ugh. It's not that I don't like afterschool, the people are great and it is a fun job, but it is just way too much to be with the kids from 8 am to 6 pm. I don't want to do that anymore, but I don't have a choice financially.
2) I want to move out of my apartment. Let me say, before I go any further, that if any of my roomies are reading this, don't take this personally. It has nothing to do with any of you, you guys are great, and you are awesome roommates. It has more to do with the fact that I want more space for my stuff and I want to kind of start my own place and my own life, if that makes sense. I want to have my own apartment or an apartment that I get with maybe one other person, that I can decorate and make into my own. Once again, finances cause this to be impossible right now. I can't move out and get started on my own until I am making more money, and I can't make more money until I get a better job. Ugh.
3) My car is on its last legs. There is nothing particularly wrong with it right now, other than, of course, the fact that the heat and air conditioning don't work and haven't for probably 3 years. People always say "Why don't you just get that fixed!?" Umm...hello, because it costs...yes, money! Yes, again, money has foiled my plans. So what do I do when my car finally does die? Well, I suppose I will be stretching my paper thin budget even farther to include a car payment on some crappy used car. Sweet. Maybe I can learn to live without shoes, or maybe I will win the lottery. Riight....better start conserving my sneaks and learning how to darn socks.
4) D and I have talked about the future many times (this tends to happen when you have been dating for 6 and a half years), and I am beginning to feel frustrated because we can't take any steps to move forwards (i.e. getting engaged or even talking about a timeline for this sort of thing) because of money. We don't have the money for a wedding, therefore the wedding has to wait. Yes, yes, I understand I am only 23 years old, but I don't want to hear it. I love him, he loves me, and we want to get married. Why the hell should we have to wait until we are 30 years old if we know what we want now? Damn money again!
5) I am lonely. I miss the feeling of having a family to come home and see at night. I don't like the feeling of being alone so often, and of cooking for myself all the time, and of just being with me and my thoughts. Sure, I see D and spend alot of time with him, and that is great, but when he is in the midst of busy season (like he is now) his free hours are limited, and the jerk wants to spend some of those hours sleeping...jeez..what is he thinking? Hahah, just kidding. I actually feel bad for him because he hardly has any time to himself. But anyway, I need some quality girl time. I miss Danielle (I hope you don't mind me putting your name on here), and I miss the time we used to spend just sitting in our rooms talking in college. Most of my friends here are either married or have lived here for a long time and have many other friends to spend their time with. Granted, I do spend most of my time with D, but sometimes I just need girl time. I want to watch a movie and drink wine, or paint my toenails and hang out, or even just play scrabble with a friend. I miss those fun times.
It's weird how life goes on, and things change. When you are in those happy moments you rarely stop to wonder "will it always be like this?" and maybe that is because you know it won't and you try not to think about what will happen when it ends.
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